Relationships are very hard for me

Joined: 09 Mar 2009 Posts: 3

So right now I am in a relationship with someone who dose not suffer from any form of mental illness or from any kind of addiction except maybe marriage (he has been married three times- maybe that is a clue of why i am having trouble here, it cant all be me can it?). I have invited him into my world and I dont think that he is adjusting well to it. I feel like to is werided out by my friends and how I have to live. I am bi-polar and structure is very important to me and I have to plan things out for me to feel safe and secure. I feel like he just dosent get me and I am not doing enough or the right things to help him along. I really wish that I could be with someone who understands me the way my friends and people at my groups do. So, I am moving on Wednesday and I feel like I will never see him or anyone else that I am living with again. One, they live far out of town and I dont have a car to go and see them. Two, I just have this huge gut feeling that he will stop calling (wich he dosent even now, and we live right next door to each other) and he will never come over. I feel like I am rambling on and on and I have been doing this for about the last two weeks about the same thing and the same problem. I quess once i move it will get better I just needed to voice some concern about my relationship. I went to church last sunday and the topic was having an intimate relationship with god and your family. All the things that they where saying the guy and I are not doing. Remember when you first started dating someone and you would stay up all night just talking to them and getting to know them? I have never done that with him and he makes no effort to even do it. He tells me all the time whenever I need to talk that he will be there but he just lies to me because I have tried twice now and both times he dosent return my phone calls after leaving him messages that I really need to talk to him and then the next day he says oh sorry and thats it. I quess i know what i need to do but i am to chicken shit to do and i feel like I am letting myself down because I am not standing up for myself and taking care of me. on the flip side I also feel like i have failed at this because i couldnt get it to work. I feel like a failure and like someone has abonded (?) me all at the same time knowing that its the right thing to do.

Dose any of this make sence?????

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:22 am

Hi Jen, it's Wednesday, and I hope your move is going good. Relationships are hard for me too. I really don't know how to answer your post without sounding mean to your significant other! When you tell someone you need them, it's a risk on your part. You're putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable. To be ignored when you express your need is just plain...what's the word? I don't understand that anymore than you do. Because I don't know him, I can't judge him or explain his behavior. But from a person looking at it from the outside, I'd just say give it time.

About your moving and him possibly not coming to see you or possibly not calling, that's all about the future. None of us can be certain about the future. I like that you are doing what's best for you and your health. You are taking good care of YOU. You've got great support from others in your life. You are not a failure if he doesn't see you through on this move you are making.

Keep us posted. I'm here for you. And take good care.

Peace,
Leah