re surrender and DRA and powerlessness

Joined: 29 Apr 2009 Posts: 4

These illnesses of addiction and psychiatric disorders can really be humiliating but can also be humbling if I let myself be humbled. I know that right now I am being brought back to first step issues of my powerlessness over my bipolar disorder. My life does feel unmanageable but I know that since I have worked the other steps, that I do have a Higher Power who can and has led me to some sanity. For me, sanity is knowing when to take extra medications as I have been taught and when to seek help, including in daily prayer and meditation. I am undergoing a major medication change and that is frightening. For today, I surrender to my Higher Power this fear and ask that I be guided each step of the way. Thanks for being here...

Peace,
CarolineR

Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 7:52 am

Hi Caroline! It's great to have a fellow DRA member on the boards. I will have 4 years sober in July. All with the help of the DRA program and the AA felowship and a great sponsor who just let me be me and work the program the best I could. I worked the steps through for my own recovery, and I have found that working them through with others keeps me working them for my own sobriety as well. I can say that I have not had an illegal substance for 21 years this month! It was the alcohol that I didn't consider a problem. HA! It was the drug that nearly killed me.

I'm still learning to live without alcohol. I still can't go into bars or be around people when they are drinking. I find it's a huge threat to my own sobriety and sanity as well. It's my sanity I care most about now days. And I find that me on alcohol is not even close to being sane! All I ever wanted was to be sane, and with the help of my Higher Power, step 2 tells me (and I've worked it over and over at times) that sanity is possible with HP's help. It really does work! But people have to be willing to do the foot work, to put the plug in the jug as they say, and rely on the strength of the program, the people in it, and HP, with all the strength that they have.

I find that many people who come through our doors don't want sobriety or clean time. But I think if they keep coming back, something will rub off on them and they will find it in themselves, the desire to be clean and sober. And that desire will take root and eventually it will happen. It's all about the sanity to me. Because I got sick of being sick!!!!!

Keep posting Caroline. Even if you're having a hard time, it helps to just get it out in writing. Maybe someone here will have an idea or suggestion that will carry us over. Just you being here helps me tremendously because I am reminded how important and serious this stuff is really is.

Peace and hugs,
Leah

Joined: 29 Apr 2009 Posts: 4

Leah, and all--Greetings! I agree with you, Leah, about needing to work hard for sobriety and recovery. I haven't had alcohol since 1988, although I do not consider myself as an alcoholic I could well have become one. I absolutely do not need to drink because it makes my mental illness worse--it's a depressant and I have major problems with depression. One psychiatrist told me that alcohol destroys serotonin, which of course is the key neurotransmitter/feel good brain chemical.

I have to abstain from caffeine and sugar as addictive substances that can cause me to go into manias, as well. I also have to abstain from addictive relationships. The way I eat directly affects my mood and mental state. I used to be 80 pounds heavier because of compulsive eating and am in recovery from that, too, and my mental state has much improved from working a program with an eating plan that mellowed my mood states. It amazes me how much better I am from that. It's a main reason why I haven't been hospitalized for 12 years when I used to locked up many times a year. I thank God for this because it wasn't I who was able to do this, it was my Higher Power.

As far as having a DRA meeting here, I did start one last year. It looks like there will be a counselor doing a Dual Recovery meeting at the Crisis Center here in town. I have not been able to commit to being there each week due to the unpredictability of my illness. Some days I really am not functional.

I am glad that my former sponsor from another program was willing to work with me in working the steps from the DRA workbook. She is no longer my sponsor and I am still making 9th step amends, although I have gone through the steps in another program. This time, with the help of the workbook, I feel I am working the steps more thoroughly and in a more helpful way than I ever have before.

I see it is just before 6:30 and I have an OA meeting here in town to go to, so I will continue later...

Please take care...

Peace,
CarolineR

Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 9:05 am

Hi Caroline! I like the workbook too. I'm having trouble finding them now. The only place I know where to get them is from the DRA headquarters and for some reason they are being noncommunicative and very slow about sending our books to us. We want to purchase the books through them so the money can stay in the program, but we need them sooner than later! If you know of anyplace we can get them, please let us know.

Yeah, I had all kinds of addiction problems throughout my life too. I've been to OA and other twelve step groups as well. The most debilitating was alcohol. I agree with you that it just makes the depression much worse. And any other symptom. I've heard that alcohol makes the psychiatric meds stop working altogether. And I didn't know that it killed off serotonin. But I do believe that.

I found on the DRA site that there are only two meetings for DRA in Montana now. One in Bozeman, and one in Livingston. Yikes! What is happening out there? Please send the info once the counselor gets another one up and running in your area. I'd like to send some people over or at least pass the info along to those who might go to that area.

Happy mom's day if anyone here is a mom!!!!

Peace and take care,
Leah